I search for understanding and dont always find it.  I started a young guy in work earlier this year.  The guy has learning difficulties and after talking to his Mum found out no one would give him a job.  Even the voluntary sector refused to take him.  After thinking about it I decided to start him for a day a week.  He now works with us 2 days and he's a wonderful human being, if a touch loud.  He can now read better and interacts with others with an inside voice.  Outside voice is all he knew.  The first couple of days were a nightmare with him.  All he did was shout lol.  Undersatnding that I could never get in his head and being prepared to just let him be was the key to him becoming a great asset to us at work.  He turned 19yrs old yesterday.  From a young guy who thought the world was crap to a young man who now gives compassion instead of thinking it wasn't part of his world makes me feel proud.

 

Well, I tried.  I went out on a date Friday night.  The pub I chose was one I go to sometimes when I get out so infrequently.  It was loud, not that I minded.  It started off with some rock music but as the night trotted on it got "normal".  That wasn't liked.  We decided to go to another pub.  The second was worse.  I think he just felt uncomfortable.  I'm a people watcher so give me a drink, sit me down and I'm happy anywhere.  I think we were both relieved when 11pm hit and we could get home.  We don't work.  The last time we went out was to my best friends 40th almost 3 years ago.  I got so drunk I dont even remember that but there was other people we knew so didnt spend all night together.  Friday just felt awkwad.  I'm not that big a drinker anymore and ended up drinking coke whilst he sat getting merrily happy.  I wont go further than Cumbernauld.  All we have is places to eat (I dont need to eat at night) or pubs.  Nothing else and maybe its a lesson.  Sit at home, let him work and be like I'm supposed to be; content, cos someone loves me.  Yeh, right.  You can kid yourself of anything.

 

Yesterday was a normal Saturday except I'm back to working in the morning.  I do have something to look forward to next week.  Big sis has had her care bill in.  The rehab unit upped her care needs and now she has been accessed at having £8 a month over the threshold.  She now has to pay £22 a week that she cant afford.  So now I'm going to have to take up the slack.  Her care she has decided she can live without.  No doubt I will have a list of chores to do lol.  Its not like she would ask but I know she cant do stuff like changing her bed, moving sofas for the hoover or washing her kitchen ceiling which must be done according to her?  I'm not sure if my guilt leads me to do things I wouldnt normally do but whatever it is.  You can bet next Saturday I'm up on a stool cleaning that ceiling.  Strange I rarely do my own.  Ah well, its all good.  She will have a clean ceiling.  I'm actually worried for her.  Her carers she sees everyday.  Without them some days she wont see anyone and I think she may slip back into depression.  I've never been sure she does all her exercise program.  I am  cynical but  know that happy face she gives to the world is a false one and alarm bells are going off.  I know shes my big sister and should go her own way.  I just worry her way is an awfully lonely one.  I know she must look at me sometimes and wonder why.

 

Sunday, not a good day for me so all I will say is have a great day.

 

living with light & hope

jacqui